Amber Janae : Conquering Our Internal Conflicts


I am an extremely busy woman. I have a full-time job, a blog that is another full-time job, I’m an author, mentor and so much more. With all of these other things I also have to find balance between my career, personal life and spiritual growth. Sometimes one has the tendency to overshadow the other. I often forget that I am not my job, career or relationship(s) neither are the me. They’re an extension of me and their success in this realm is only dependent on the work I do within. They are all significant but the one thing of real importance to me is internal growth. My soul perfection is my only life mission, whatever comes with that is divinely apart of the plan. There are moments that I can completely neglect my career and devote all my time to myself. I can completely neglect self and pour all of myself into my relationship(s). In those instances, I am often experiencing a certain level of discomfort internally. There is often something I am fighting my hardest to avoid. And in true fashion, the avoidance of one thing means the over indulgence into another. This is a subtle way of me slipping into defeat mode and letting my lower-self take control. The end all goal for any internal development process is to eliminate ones lower-self so that the higher-self is free and in control. As much as I teach and despite me being a healer to many globally, I still have to heal myself and teach me self-reliance. One ideology I had to rid myself of a long time ago was the idea that the work ends when you reach a certain level.

The work never ends…

In fact, it is in our moments when we’re feeling most accomplished that we have the most work to do. My path/purpose is healing, but in order for me to do that effectively I have to be right within. Like the rest of the world, I retreat to a lower state of being at times. It is not often, but when it is, it’s a constant conflict between who I am in that moment vs who I continuously desire to become. So it’s easier for me to overindulge in another area of my life because it helps me to escape the real task at hand, temporarily at least. Regardless of how much we try to avoid the work that needs to be done to better ourselves we’ll always be forced in the direction of change. It may not be in a way we desired or imagine, but it will always occur. I am learning that when I am willingly avoiding this shift or change, that is when I am forced into and the outcome which is always more painful than I imagined to be. Had I just done what I was supposed to be doing the path to personal growth would be a lot less painful, but I digress.

My lower-self is compiled of avoidance, laziness and weakness. My lower-self despises change and will automatically retract if it senses the goal is to conquer it. The ego is very selfish but also a trickster because it’s only mission is survival. It’ll convince you what you’re doing is right even when you’re dead ass wrong. It’s very selfish and my goal has been and always will be to attain a certain level of development to dissolve this part of me completely. The fact that I know that part of me exist says that I have developed enough to take accountability and not let the parts of me that truly don’t exist stand in the way of my progression. In life we have a multitude of choices, but the choices for our betterment are always the choices we seem to meet with such resistance. The key is being honest with oneself. Admittance is important. Without admittance we live in resistance and denial and support our own unnatural, self-destructive behavioral patterns.

When am not in harmony with my true self I am extremely withdrawn and moody. I am controlling and overindulge in anything that distracts me from dealing with myself. As much as it pains me to be honest about this fact, it is unnatural behavior that is a hindrance and if I choose to rid myself of it, it has to be spoken aloud and admitted in order for me to move toward change. I am often faced with feelings of aloofness, uncertainty and blaming the world for my problems opposed to realizing that the fate of my current reality is all a result of what I’ve projected into my reality through the mind. My biggest curse it has become, but my biggest gift is my ability to acknowledge my shortcomings and examine my behavior and immediately go into an internal retreat.

I spend days reflecting and reconnecting with myself on a level that consists of higher vibrations. I become one with my flaws, accept them and channel effective ways to release them. By openly coming to terms with my flaws and using my strengths to do so, I develop the very thing I had been fighting to gain all along, equilibrium. My lack of balance can send me into a huge low point. My soul is crying out but there is a lower part of me that is fighting to stay relevant in the moments it needs to die. In the moments you find the strength to admit where you fall short and seek change is the moment that equilibrium in all forms of your life fall into play. Thus you are then able to fully love and understand yourself and have a better love and understanding for the world around you. You release the desire for control of what is around you because you have now discovered the power and strength of gaining control over the only thing you should ever seek to control which is self. I pray that my transparency and struggles through darkness and finding light are the gateway that shines a ray of light on you conquering your own darkness.

Be Inspired. Be Encouraged. Be Blessed.

Self Help on Huffington Post

Comments are closed.