Ever since I was a kid who got bullied by my “friends” from kindergarten to sixth grade. Because of this, I always took a liking to hanging out and talking with the girls.
At a certain point I got sick of the dirty looks I kept receiving for doing absolutely nothing.
It was a tough transition. I remember sitting next to a girl from my class–one I had a massive crush on–in history during sixth grade. I was so nervous. I didn’t really talk that much. Maybe it was because I was expecting her to smile at me and then whisper something into the ear of the person next to her before they both laughed at me.
I swear, elementary school was the worst.
But she didn’t. She was really kind, and I slowly got really comfortable sitting next to her. I realized something in that history class: that girls don’t have cooties, that they’re actually a lot nicer than boys, and that they like to talk about different things.
It’s no secret to those that know me that I’ve gotten into some trouble every now and then for choosing to befriend and hang out more with girls instead of guys. I’ve learned that somebody on either side always ends up catching feelings. It’s a given.
And I’ve slowly seen that the words of my parents in high school were actually true. It’s just not a good plan to spend too much time with the opposite sex, or the sex that you’re attracted to, because one of you is going to fall for the other.
Anyway, I never told you why I enjoy talking with girls more than guys.
In short, it’s because there’s more emotional depth. There are more feelings that creep to the surface with women as opposed to men. And I love that.
I love talking about the really important things. I like to talk about something other than the game, or politics, or bowel movements.
It’s just so boring to talk about those things, honestly.
But we have to realize that men and women are inherently different from one another and that they show their affection in different ways.
In a paper written by Leigh E. Elkins and Christopher Peterson titled “Gender Differences in Best Friendships,” they shine a light on the differences between male and female relationships.
They talk about how women value conversation while men value the pursuit of activities.
They also revealed through their study that friendships involving at least one female were more satisfying than friendships that did not. Furthermore, women held higher standards for their friendships than did men. But if you asked me, I think women hold higher standards for pretty much everything. I’m only half joking.
According to Leigh and Christopher, girls focus on disclosure and nurturance during adolescence while boys focus on competition and control, which explains why relationships among females are so much more supportive.
Girls are also more intimate in their friendships than males, and the study shows it’s tough for males to verbalize that they care for a friend.
That’s why I try to verbalize it as much as possible–because I think it’s stupid that we don’t.
After reading all of that, can you see why I enjoy friendships more among girls rather than guys? Is it really a stretch to see my point of view?
Girls/Women are more nurturing, intimate, and express their feelings better than males. This is a fact of life. Males are more reserved, talk about unimportant things, and basically just sit in the corner with no emotion and shrug off a “hello” that you just gave them with a grunt and a shuffling of their shoulders.
Not all men are like this, though. The males that I am close with in my life show a little more emotion and depth in conversation. That’s what I look for.
If you can’t talk to me, I won’t really spend a lot of time with you.
For instance, I’m at an Airbnb right now in a house full of male roommates. Besides the overabundance of profanity–and I mean it–the sink is dirty, the house is a mess, and it’s not a very welcoming place.
It just seems like males aren’t getting something.
It seems like we’re lazy, uninterested, and uncompassionate most of the time. And trust me, I could really make the previous sentence a lot more colorful if I wanted to.
It seems like females have always been more thoughtful and kind, more intimate and expressive, and that’s why I enjoy friendships with females rather than males.
Self Help on Huffington Post